About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
