For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I love having hate sex.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
