hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
