i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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