hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
