I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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