Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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