he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Randomize
