I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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