My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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