Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
