I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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