i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
