All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
