I CAN MOONWALK!
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
