either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
