I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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