A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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