I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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