I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I think I am morally bankrupt
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
