In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
did you just send me my own nude
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
