I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
