Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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