Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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