Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
