He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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