First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
