i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
