rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
