yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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