apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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