Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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