Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize