I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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