If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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