I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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