All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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