Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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