Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
