Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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