Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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