I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
