"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
