with your own penis?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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