Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
