I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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