I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
