If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
