Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
