i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
