That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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