hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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