True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
