U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
