man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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