you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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