you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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