I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
