My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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