If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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