Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
