Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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