i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
