at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
