well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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