Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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